Dear Snarky Down Syndrome Community

Dear Snarky Groups Within the Down Syndrome Community,
You know who you are.

(And if the post title isn't enough to get you fired up, wait until you read the rest of what I'm going to write about you.)

As many of you know, a certain blogger-mommy in our community has a new book coming out. This fact combined with her already prevalent popularity apparently means she is now up for public target practice, so get your slings, your arrows, your knives, spears and firearms and join us all on any social networking site to participate in the hunt!

It'll be like our own Down syndrome community version of The Hunger Games.

And to what end?

We've all seen it before. It's not just this particular blogger, this particular book or this particular time. We've seen it on hundreds of forums and in the comments sections of news articles, small and large. We've seen people of all faiths, colors and all walks of life become the Target of the Day for our community as a whole.

Why?

Well, among the comments I've seen (as they multiply like genetically enhanced rats) on a variety of different venues in the last 48 hours, people are pointing out every possible reason they don't (or do) like this person, her lifestyle and her book.

I have news for you. You can please all of the people some of the time and some of the people all of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of  the time...  And YOU, Down syndrome community... you represent ALL of the people of a community which shares the bond, troubles and privileges of raising a child with Down syndrome.

YOU can not be pleased ALL of the time.

Some things will please you, and some things will make you angry, sad or resentful.  I see some people out there saying things to the effect of, "When I see something I don't agree with or don't like, I'm not one to keep my mouth shut. It's my RIGHT to express myself and my point of view!"

Well GOOD FOR YOU!

In the U.S. you DO have First Amendment Rights which include the Freedom of Speech and the Freedom of Religion. And guess what? So do the people who still throw around the word RETARD as an offensive term. Oh yeah - I know "It's not the same thing!" But see... it is.

Within the Down syndrome community we understand that "Retard" is a word that is offensive to our loved ones. By allowing the perpetuation of the word throughout our society, we allow our children to become targets. So we spread the word to end the word... we don't want our children to be bullied!

You see, a bully is someone who targets another person. Wikipedia says the following about bullying:

"Bullying is a form of aggressive behavior manifested by the use of force or coercion to affect others, particularly when the behavior is habitual and involves an imbalance of power. It can include verbal harassment, physical assault or coercion and may be directed repeatedly towards particular victims, perhaps on grounds of race, religion, gender, sexuality, or ability. The "imbalance of power" may be social power and/or physical power. The victim of bullying is sometimes referred to as a "target".

"Bullying consists of three basic types of abuse – emotional, verbal, and physical. It typically involves subtle methods of coercion such as intimidation. Bullying can be defined in many different ways. The UK currently has no legal definition of bullying, while some U.S. states have laws against it.

Bullying ranges from simple one-on-one bullying to more complex bullying in which the bully may have one or more 'lieutenants' who may seem to be willing to assist the primary bully in his bullying activities. Bullying in school and the workplace is also referred to as peer abuse. 

Bullying can occur in any context in which human beings interact with each other. This includes school, church, family, the workplace, home, and neighborhoods. Bullying can exist between social groups, social classes, and even between countries (see jingoism). In fact, on an international scale, perceived or real imbalances of power between nations, in both economic systems and in treaty systems, are often cited as some of the primary causes of both World War I and World War II."


Who among you remembers high school? Do you remember that time you wore that sweater, or those jeans, or said that thing you said or did that thing you did... and suddenly you were the center of gossip or at the butt-end of nasty comments. Remember when that group of other students totally bashed you for it? They teased you or said snarky things about that thing you wore or said or did... and do you remember HOW YOU FELT?

You see, you did, said or wore something that they didn't like, agree with or that they felt didn't represent them. HOW DARE YOU! Because you live you life for them, don't you? Well... don't you?

Do you measure every thing you do, everything you say or write or think, for the sole purpose of pleasing EVERYBODY - - everybody ALL OF THE TIME?

I certainly hope not!

Each and every one of you is a completely unique individual with your own memories, your own experiences and your own opinions. Because you have First Amendment Rights, you can go to whatever church you want (or not), you can choose to be a party animal, you can choose to be messy or clean, you can choose to be a PTA member or a recluse or wear those jeans that everybody would have laughed at in high school.

If you want to, you can write your own book. You can present your life and your family in any way you choose... but no matter what YOU do, YOU will not make everybody happy all of the time.

And you know what else?                IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU!

Angelina Jolie has adopted children from a number of different countries. Does that mean she represents ALL people who adopt internationally? Oh, hell no!

So why are so many of you worried about this one person in our own community who is a blogger, photographer and author... why are you worried about her representing YOU? Let me repeat: IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU!

While she may be garnering publicity as a parent of a child with Down syndrome, do you really think the world at large is going to assume we are all just like her? Unless you assume all people who adopt internationally live the same way Angelina Jolie does, then you have nothing to worry about!

OK - so YOU didn't vote for this person to be popular. Well O! M! G!

I didn't vote for our current president, but you know what? I don't always get what I want! The world doesn't revolve around me, my life style, my choice to leave dishes in the sink...

It's one thing to say, "Huh - well, that person is a very different person than I am." It's a very different thing to point out all of the things you don't like about a person in a public manner! To me, one of the craziest things people complained about in regards to this particular person is how "perfect" she seems. REALLY? The horror that someone would do that! Because certainly YOU have never tried to look a certain way for the benefit of other people's opinions of you! I mean - why even bother to do the dishes or laundry, to shower or wear makeup... or clothes... because certainly YOU don't care what other people think about you, right?

So you know what? Go ahead! Be as snarky as you want - just like those kids who once teased you to tears. Go ahead and be a BULLY. But don't come crying to the rest of the Down syndrome community (because there are many of us who choose to be supportive of, and nice to each other) when someone uses the word "Retard" in their status update.

Come on people! Lets get over ourselves for once. You don't have to agree with someone or like someone... there is no law saying you have to like a certain book... but by making a person a target and publicly pointing out the things YOU don't like about them, you are NO better than any other bully... or than people who use the word "Retard."


Oh - and I don't expect you all to love me or the opinions I have expressed in this post! You know why? Because I have seen the hate that some of you are capable of. Haters, Trolls... what ever you want to call it...

Someday you'll understand...

The people who feel the need to pick apart the faults of others are generally the ones who aren't strong enough to work on their own faults.

And do you think picking on another person's shortcomings (perceived or real) makes you look, better, smarter, cooler??

No. It makes you look like an asshat! And while you may say you don't want the blogger in question to represent YOU, the rest of us certainly wouldn't pick an asshat over her. Go ahead. Chew on that for a while!

And if you want to "get in on the fun" and be a part of one of these target practice sessions with your friends?? You know damn well that all you have to do is gather a little of your own popularity... and you will be the next target!

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