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Views of Professor Priscilla Alderson as seen at psychminded.co.uk
Professor Alderson said that it was often convenient for neglectful parents to claim that a child had a behavioural disorder. She believes that much of the increase can be put down to more flexible interpretations of normal childhood traits, such as restlessness and excitability. In our more gullible age, she says, this becomes attention deficit — which could be solved by engaging more with children and allowing them to let off steam in traditional fashion by playing in parks and climbing trees.
Professor Alderson said that it was often convenient for neglectful parents to claim that a child had a behavioural disorder. She believes that much of the increase can be put down to more flexible interpretations of normal childhood traits, such as restlessness and excitability. In our more gullible age, she says, this becomes attention deficit — which could be solved by engaging more with children and allowing them to let off steam in traditional fashion by playing in parks and climbing trees.
“I recently visited a special school which had 27 children diagnosed as autistic. Of those, only two that I met displayed the lack of eye contact and absence of empathy which denotes true autism,” she said. “Money is behind all this. Pyschologists want the work, and lower the diagnosis threshold accordingly. Special needs is an administrative device describing children who have extra needs from those provided for in the average classroom.
Professor Alderson, 57, who has three grown-up children and three grandchildren, admitted that her eldest daughter had been “difficult”, something she attributes to her naivity at the time about how to be a good parent. “By the time my other children came along I had realised that if you treat children as adults then they will behave accordingly.”
Professor Alderson, 57, who has three grown-up children and three grandchildren, admitted that her eldest daughter had been “difficult”, something she attributes to her naivity at the time about how to be a good parent. “By the time my other children came along I had realised that if you treat children as adults then they will behave accordingly.”
See article HERE.
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So... lemme get this straight. Because Iraq makes eye contact and she is fully capable of going through the motions of showing empathy, she does not have Asperger's? Well hallelujah! It's a miracle - my 8-year-old has been cured! What a wonderful relief!
Quite honestly, I wold LOVE to have Iraq's issues boil down to poor parenting as it would mean I could FIX the problem, but unfortunately for myself and thousands of other parents of children in the autism spectrum, Professor Priscilla Alderson is an outdated, judgmental moron whose views will only add to the struggles we face. (Ooops! Did I just type that out loud?)
It is unfortunate that there are people out there, working under the guise of being an "expert," who know and understand so little about autism. I may not have "Professor" in front of my name, but I honestly believe I know far more about the symptoms of Asperger's in girls than the Priscilla Aldersons of the world.
"I didn't spend 6 years in evil medical school to be called 'Mister.' Thank you very much!"
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997). Laugh at sound byte here.
That said, I must admit that I DO use my children's special needs as an excuse for bad behavior. For example:
- I use Iraq's meltdowns as an excuse to let the clean laundry wrinkle in the dryer for 15-60 minutes some days. (OMG!! People are going to think I am an incompetent launderer! The horror!)
- I use The Skink's Down syndrome as an excuse for the school bus to pick her up at the front door instead at the top of the street (and when I say "at the 'top' of the street," I mean a hill that goes up at an angle of about a 45° for about 2 blocks). We've tried the walk before - she usually walks about 20 feet at 0.1258 miles-per-hour before begging to be carried the rest of the way. I don't want to carry a 30+ lb. child UP the hill every morning... I'm lazy that way, you know.
- I use the theory that the sum is greater than the parts as an excuse to NOT be an active member of the PTA. Well... that and the fact that my husband doesn't get home from work until after 7:30 p.m. and that I don't trust most babysitters to be able to handle the sum of the younger 2 parts... nor do I trust the oldest part to not distract said babysitter...
- I use the excuse that my son has ADHD to not make him babysit his 2 little sisters often so I can
torture myselfenjoy being a regular part of the PTA. I also use the ADHD excuse to make him mow the lawn... there I go bein' all lazy again. *sigh* - I use 2 of my children's "issues" as an excuse to bring our dog on family vacations and to restaurants.
So yeah... I'm bad! Seriously BAD!
Ok... well... maybe not that bad...
Me... after 16 years of evil school.
Does this look like good PTA material to you?
*Don't answer that*
So what do you think? Do you feel that autism spectrum disorders and ADD/ADHD are fig-newtons of society's collective imagination?
Do you think parents use the "special needs" label as a crutch or an excuse for bad parenting?
Or, like me, do you believe that while there are plenty of parents out there who don't properly discipline their "normal" kids, there are also parents struggling with children who have very real issues? Yes - it can be hard to tell the difference, but you don't have to go to a day of evil school to know that labeling MOST parents of children with ASDs or ADD/ADHD as neglectful, gullible people who don't take their children to the park enough is worse than submerging them in a tank of sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads. Why must I be surrounded by frickin' idiots?
But I digress.
"Help! I'm in a nutshell! How did I get into this bloody great big nutshell? What kind of shell has a nut like this?"
Yeah... I totally feel that way some days...
Oops! I digressed again.
So tell me what you think!
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I 100% agree with you. My mother is the worst, she is constantly telling me that if I would take initiative and actually parent my child that she wouldn't have meltdowns, let alone ones that last hours long and cause her to vomit from hyperventilating..yes if I would just get off this darn computer and "parent" her she would be cured. When in all actuality if I try to engage during a meltdown it just makes everyone ten times worse off.
ReplyDeleteScientists once believed the world was flat too. They were wrong.
ReplyDeleteIt might be hard to tell the difference. My middle son is having problems at school... and no one really understands his label, so they think that it's my fault or that they could simply tell him what to do differently and it would work.
ReplyDeleteSIGH.
IF ONLY it were that easy. IF ONLY. I'd give anything if it were just something I could change in my parenting to make his issues go away.
my sister has sever adhd and add. she found out when my mother told her when she went of to collage. my sister struggled although out school, she still does. she studies all night to pull of a b. during high school my sister wasn't in a great school district. it was so bad the teachers told her that they had learned all that they would learn already. high school was a babysitting job (California). my mom pulled her out bought all the text books and told her that she would be teaching herself along with 2 other sisters. remember she is the only one with major add and adhd. heather is one of the smartest kids in the family because she learned the definition of hard work and slowly saw the rewards. she still has adhd and add
Delete- 16 years old, Texas
I found this via a friend who'd posted the link on FaceBook and I have to say, I laughed the whole time I was reading it. Because it's absolutely freaking true.
ReplyDeleteSixfinger Slim (my own son) has been diagnosed ADHD and we suspect Asperger's as well, but clearly as Professor whats'sherface has stated, he can't possibly be an Aspie because he makes WONDERFUL eye contact 90% of the time (the other 10% is is "Ooh shiny! Look at that bird/fish/car out the window! Mom! MOM! MOOM! Look!") and is a hugger. Like a prolific, knock-you-down-Imma-so-excited-to-see-you hugger.
We try to treat him as normally as we possibly know how. Even if it means using Star Trek characters (Mr. Spock is a favorite) to act out stories/help get homework done, then so be it.
Live long and prosper.
Amen! I am soo tired of hearing, "if only she would...." regarding my parenting skills in relation to my youngest son. Sometimes, I slip into my blame myself mode, because, yes I have made mistakes in parenting. Who hasn't? We all have those hindsight moments & I'm pretty sure I will have many more. I have to constantly remind myself that if I was that bad, wouldn't my other children be demonstrating the same behaviors?
ReplyDeleteMy oldest is stationed in Germany with his wife & my new grandson (can't wait to hold him), another son is happily married & working for a living, my daughter is very involved in campus life as a sophmore in college & then there is my youngest son who is a Junior in High School.
I grew up thinking behavior issues that my youngest son has displayed, were a result of bad parenting. I always believed that if I was consistent, regardless of consequence(because all kids are different), my kids would learn. I just never thought that kids existed that couldn't learn regardless of consequence.
Hence, my issues in blaming myself & succumbing to the influence of the "If she would only...." comments of family, friends and other peers. I tend to be alot harder on myself than I should, because of of "well meaning" advice that ultimately concludes that I have failed to do my job as a parent.
I am so grateful to have found other parents on the same page as myself. To feel that we've gone over that same page over & over, knowing we will go over it again & again, is exhausting. It's invigorating to be able to take one deep breath in between. Thank you, soo much.
I have a close (now ex-) friend who is, in fact, a horrible parent. Her son is permitted to curse and flip off teachers, throw things at them, and climb around inside a moving vehicle without any safety restraints or even true concern. It is so bad I feared for his safety. The response from his mother...laughter and apathy. She defends his behavior at school (which btw he learned from her) and shrugs her shoulders when he was acting out in the car. He tries to leave the school building on an almost daily basis. She is nasty to the principal whenever she is asked to take care of her child. It is the school's problem in her mind. The fact is that there are SOME parents who do excuse their child's poor behavior as "special needs." What that child is in special need of is structure, security, sanity and love. This boy does not get that at all. She spends most nights out doing what she wants and yells and curses in front of her kids as a way of life. Can you see why she is now my EX-friend? I seriously feel this boy will one day grow up and hurt someone or himself. I guess she will find someone else to blame for that as well.
ReplyDeleteI should add that he is 6 years old and has been on various meds for a couple of years now, none of which do anything to calm him down. He has been diagnosed and then it was changed a few times.. latest one I think is aspergers but some of the docs say nothing is "special" about him.
DeleteI think some of the problem people have understanding is that the definition of autism is so different than what it used to be. There used to be a very clear definition for autism, which didn't include kids who make eye contact, or talk to anyone and everyone, or even talk at all, or give big hugs. That definition of autism seems to have completely out the window so that now almost anyone fits somewhere on the spectrum. How do children who have serious disabilities get appropriate access to help when the system is so overwhelmed because every other kid has autism now?
ReplyDeleteMy mom and brother both have aspergers, neither of them would ever have run around misbehaving, hitting people, shouting, being rude, flipping people off or other things I've heard people chalk up to being a result of autism. They do exhibit the classic social miscommunications, discomfort with eye contact, overwhelmed by too much stimuli, difficulty switching from one activity or task to another, being experts in a topic or topics, being fastidious and regimented, etc..
Another thing I think causes a lot of frustration is the parents who use an autism diagnosis as a crutch for the kid to do whatever the heck they want. Little Timmy can run all around church during services and I'm just going to sit here and do nothing because he's autistic and he can't help it. Well, no, little Timmy sat down perfectly well when another mom got up to go help autism mom with little Timmy.
People are just overwhelmed with the whole autism thing, and it really gives people a bad taste in their mouth when the only interactions they get with children with autism or families who have a child with autism is the "family who cried autism" experience. It's a shame because that colors their feelings about every child with autism which isn't fair.