Sunday, September 18, 2011

Land of the Great Willow Tree

Once upon a time, there was an elven princess who was called by her loved ones Princess Skink-In-Pink. Like many other young princesses, Princess Skink-In-Pink longed to set out from her kingdom to seek adventure, so she donned her magic elven willow-wood circlet,

and put another magic elven willow-wood circlet upon the head of her sister, Princess Iraq...

and another upon the furry head of princess Brandy (because dogs totally dig wearing magic willow-wood circlets, you know).

Together the group set forth to seek adventure in the Land of the Great Willow Tree.

It was a long and treacherous journey. A mysterious voice whispered to Princess Skink-In-Pink, telling her an amazing secret...  she would need a hand to get to the high reaches of the Land of the Great Willow Tree.

Great elven huntresses as they were, Princess Skink-In-Pink and Princess Iraq had soon hunted down located and chopped off liberated a hand from an unsuspecting passer-by (who apparently no-longer needed it).

Upon reaching the high reaches of the Land of the Great Willow Tree, Princess Skink-In-Pink and Princess Iraq were more than a little incensed to learn from yet another annoying mysterious whispering voice that there was not enough adventure in the high reaches of the Land of the Great Willow Tree to make the princesses content, so the princesses told the voice to put a sock in it and went to dance around the great fire.

And why, you may ask, was this fire so great? 'Cause it was made by the great Queen of the Elves!! Yeah, baby - I got fire skillz!

And so it was, while dancing around the great-yet-not-so-big fire, the the princesses heard a voice in the wind which began to whisper, "The adventure you seek..." and the princesses put their hands over their ears and yelled, "La la la la la la la la la la, we can't hear you!" and that was a good thing for if one constantly listens to mysterious, whispering voices telling them to do crap, it's probably time for an MRI... and a straight jacket...

And so, of their own accord (or at least the accord of the boring old King and Queen), the princesses set forth to search out adventure in the deep, dark bosom of the earth. Luckily there was a teenage guide available to lead the way.

Within the earth, the princesses saw things that hung down...

and rather interesting-looking things that stuck up...

Things that looked like teeth...

    And some cute, little fuzzy things that they were told eat bugs and not princesses...

And at long last, the princesses reached the underground Pool of Dreams. The princesses said it was cool and then yawned.

And they wandered deeper and deeper into the earth until...

...Princess Brandy yelled "Run! It's that creepy dude from 'Scream!'"

It wasn't, but you can see how she may have gotten confused... and seriously, you really DON'T want to run into anything that even remotely looks like the 'Scream' guy in a place that dark!

But when the princesses looked up and saw the Salem, Virginia fault line running above them, they knew that they had found adventure... and a really bad place to be during seismic activity.

It's not my fault!

And so they left the earth's bosom and once above ground, found ways of warming the chill of the caverns from their weary bones and floppy ears.

And the Queen of the Elves called upon a higher power to grant her strength and stamina to raise her adventure-seeking princesses well...

and was rewarded with bunny ears.

With adventure achieved, Princess Iraq was unsure she was ready to rest. She asked the Queen of the Elves if she could take a Tarzan-style leap off a picnic table and swing from the sweeping willowy strands because it looked like fun.
"No," said the Queen of the Elves. "I'm afraid those willowy strands will not be able to hold you." Not believing the Queen of the Elves, Princess Iraq leapt any way, catching an arm-full of willowy strands mid-flight...  

"CRACK!" The branch from which those willowy strands grew, fell from the heavens (or at least from the tree) casting poor, rebellious Princess Iraq down onto her skinny little arse. With baleful eyes, Princess Iraq said, "It broke!" to which the Queen of the Elves replied, "Uh... yeah?"

Feeling badly that her willful little imp damaged the beautiful tree, the Queen of the Elves proclaimed that the lovely branch filled with willowy strands should not have died in vain, so in true Na'vi style she sent a quick prayer up to the Gods, ("Oh thank heaven nobody saw that!") and wove the willowy strands into a basket proving that she really was the Martha Stewart of the wilderness!

And then it was agreed that enough adventure had been found by the elven princesses, so the toadstool was packed up, the last s'mores were eaten and the elven family loaded up and journeyed home where Princess Iraq had a melt down and Princes Skink-In-Pink had a bath.

And they all lived happily ever after because elves (even elves with Asperger's and elves with Down syndrome and elves with ADHD) are immortal...

are we there yet?


1 comment:

This is the part where you get to say something! I'd love to hear from you.