Our society has become so judgmental that we air commercials like this:
Really? "Pass inspection??" OK, readers... everyone line up and bend over. It's inspection time!
There is something truly wrong when we become concerned about other people's dingleberries! Commandment number 11: Inspect not thy neighbor for dingleberries!
Translation: Don't get all up in my kool aid!
Yesterday I took just a moment to sit down in an exhausted heap in front of the television for a minute while I gulped down lunch, and a commercial for the Dr. Phil show came on. It showed some kids whining and acting "bratty" and in a voice-over, the announcer proclaimed that "You CAN brat-proof your child!" Apparently it just takes some "good parenting skills" that the good Doctor will teach us on his next show.
See the commercial HERE.
Instead of having a massive melt-down and taking my frustrations out on the helpless television, I simply turned it off. I took a deep breath, and then I started to cry.
The truth of the matter is that good parenting skills DON'T work for EVERY child. I'm not perfect all the time (I might even have an occasional dingleberry), but I have read every book on parenting and employed more techniques to curb bad behavior than Super Nanny has even thought of. I have stayed 100% consistent and "no" always means "no." If I say I'll do "Y" if you do "X," you can put money on me to follow through with "Y" every single time.
And yet... I deal with whining, crying, melt-downs, refusals to comply and even threats every single day. Worse yet, now my sweet youngest child is copying her older sister's behavior, and big brother berates my parenting skills simply because his middle sister's behavior hasn't changed yet. And her psychiatrist says it's not likely to change much any time soon.
I would invite ANY reality show to come install cameras throughout my house and I CHALLENGE them to do a better job than I do. Yet, as hard as I work and as hard as I try, the changes come so sloooooowwwwlllyyy. I'm not into blaming a child for my own problems, but honestly, I used to be very healthy. I had low blood pressure, I worked out daily, I had tons of energy...
In just 7 short years my blood pressure has gotten so bad (and uncontrollable) that it puts me at high risk of a cardiac event or stroke at any given moment. I'm on no less than 5 medications to try to control it. I'm exhausted both mentally and physically all the time and I've gained some weight that I can't seem to shake. My own parents fear the idea of being left with my children for even a weekend so I can have a break... and I can hardly blame them!
A break? I haven't had one in nearly 7 years. My awesome sister watched my 2 oldest for a week about 6 years ago so my hubby and I could go on a belated honeymoon. That was my last break... and trust me - family vacations are NO break!
Here's Iraq post-meltdown at Busch Gardens this past summer:
Well, yeah - of course it's overstimulating, but do mom and dad (and the two other kids) *ever* get to just relax and enjoy a vacation? Sorry, but we can't afford to pay someone to look after Iraq so the family can have a break... and it wouldn't be fair to Iraq.
What about ME?
You wanna know why my blood pressure is so high? It's because when Iraq behaves like Iraq, I don't scream. I don't hit her. I don't freak out on her. I... stay... calm... and... calmly... explain... things... to... her. I... stay... patient. I... talk... to... her...
I internalize all the freak-out-turmoil so I don't break down and beat her or something.
Lately I have come close. Iraq whines non-stop at home and refuses to do anything easily. Last night she didn't want to get out of the bath. Then she didn't want to get her pajamas on. Then she started flailing and scratching when I tried to brush her hair. Then she threw a fit when it was time to brush her teeth. Then she melted down because I didn't kiss her in exactly the right pattern as I was putting her to bed...
I kid you not when I say that every step of the way is a high-stress fight.
This morning she didn't want to get dressed on her own, decide what to have for breakfast, eat breakfast and then she hit me and had a meltdown when I tried to brush her hair. That's when I came as close to completely loosing it as I have in a long time. When she hit me, I took that hairbrush and swatted her on her dingleberry-free bum! She started screaming, flailing and scratching and I swatted her again. Finally I sat on her (yes - literally) and brushed her damn hair!
When I let her up, she looked at me with eyes as blank as a shark's, bent over and rubbed her head in circles on the couch in a rather successful attempt to mess up her hair again.
No. I'm not kidding.
That's her schtick lately. If I threaten her:
"If you take my belongings out of my room and hide them from me, I will take away your 'insert toy name here'."
She threatens me right back:
"If you take my toy, I'll just take more of your stuff!"
Inevitably the tension grows culminating in my having to remove her from the situation and lock her in her room. On an average it takes her between 30 and 60 minutes to calm down enough to talk and be allowed back out into the house... but sometimes it takes longer.
Yeah - even funny people that prefer to make people laugh have rough days sometimes. I'm sorry for venting and for the "downer," but a girl's gotta vent when a girl's gotta vent! I've been joking with my mom about doing a bit of a road trip... to Nebraska... where they have very loose Safe Haven laws...
It's just a fantasy. I wouldn't really do it...
yet
And on that note, everyone bend over. It's inspection time!
It sounds like things are hard for you right now. I offer you my support. You are an amazing Mom!
ReplyDeleteI hate that inspection commercial too. Can't they go back to just squeezing the TP?
*HUGS*
ReplyDeleteVenting is important!
I've had days like that with my daughter too. I giggled at the part about her rubbing her hair on the couch, because we have had that exact same scenario: I brush her hair and she immediately messes it up as best she can, while defiantly exclaiming, HA! - I thought only my child did that!
I totally agree with you about the "parenting experts". It really frustrates me, that with their high and mighty attitude, they guilt parents into believing that if you don't follow their methods, you are a lousy parent and your child's future will most likely include doing hard time in jail. It's simply hog-wash! "Good Parenting" is about being there for your child and doing what works best for them, and it IS different for every child; it's not about following a method prescribed by an "expert".
Its good to vent.
ReplyDeleteInspection time?? Eeek....runs away!
Sorry to hear that things are so hard. I am watching that Dr. Phil now. And while they haven't said anything about these techniques possibly not working for a special-needs child, I know he has said that in the past. This show is really geared to kids that are already brats because their parents didn't teach them early on and are now having to "undo" a lot of what they have done. Yours are wired differently and techniques will be different.
ReplyDelete