Gender Bias and an Autism Diagnosis in Girls

I wanted to share this very good article (complete with references and research to back up the claims) about the differences in the presentation in autism with girls. This is one of the reasons getting a proper diagnosis for a daughter is far more difficult that getting the same diagnosis for a son.

See the article here.

Does Schizophrenia, Bipolar Disorder, Autism, Depression and ADHD Run In The Falily? You BET it Does!

And I can pretty much name a family member with one (or more) of those issues! 

A group of researchers has now found a common genetic link for each of these disorders related to calcium channels in the brain.

Read the entire fascinating New York Times article here:

Oh - and as a side note, the most "normal" appearing direct relative I have is my mother... who has issues with her calcium levels.

Go figure!

So It's Been A While...

Yes - it has been a long while.

Iraq has been a tough kid to raise, but she has found a new love...

Horses!

She started riding in December. I am able to work at the barn part time and earn lessons for her... which suits me just fine!!

The Skink...   Still adorable! She was invited to sing a solo of "Jingle Bells" at the annual school board meeting, and reportedly was the star of the show. Her amazing teacher (who loves her to bits) got her the most adorable outfit - my kid looked like a princess!!

The chickens are growing up. Gunnar is getting to be a big boy - and very handsome too!

The Skink got a drum set for Christmas... which she loves!

Iraq got two fuzzy chickens (Silkies) for Christmas. They are much quieter than The Skink's gift and they lay eggs!

This one thinks it's a wookie, apparently...

Iraq's first time cantering. Don't let her expression fool you - the rest of the way around she was beaming!

And today the girls enjoyed a picnic... with guests.

Hungry guests...

Yes - farm life has made an extraordinary difference in our lives... and our choice of picnic guests! But we're loving every minute of it. We still have our challenges, but challenges just seem a little easier when you're surrounded by beauty... and chickens.

(If you happen to like chickens, please check out my other blog: Natural Chicken Keeping)

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The day after - Spooky Happenings on the Funny Farm

The day after the Chicken Zombie Massacre:

As you can imagine, at first Iraq was quite dismayed to find their carefully carved Halloween pumpkins had been so unceremoniously defaced by the chickens, but soon made a certain peace with the fact that chickens like raw pumpkin almost as much as children like pumpkin pie.

Little Millie was even invited to a private dinner. Who knew chickens would eat kitties?

And then, in keeping with the spooooooky Halloween mood, Iraq and The Skink scalped those poor pumpkins and ran about the farm brandishing their trophies like a couple of Native Americans after a successful battle!

 Hmmm... that one's already growing some hair!

Whooping and hollering, the two girls ran about the yard with the pumpkin scalps.

The chickens might have been frightened had they not been Zombie Chickens and zombie chickens fear nothing because they are undead! It would be an interesting thing indeed to attempt to bake a zombie chicken only to turn on your oven light and find it tromping about happily inside your oven!

And the heck with the four and twenty blackbirds backed in a pie... I wonder how the king would have reacted to the pie being opened to release four and twenty zombie chickens?

I'll bet the Little Red Zombie Chicken wouldn't be caught undead running around claiming the sky was falling! No - she'd be lurking in a back ally clicking, "bu... bu. bu...bu... brru... brru... brr... brains!"

The Birds (1963)
"...and remember, the next scream you hear may be your own!"  

 "And what," you ask, "do zombie chickens look like? After all, a decomposing chicken must make a bad molt look like a good hair day for a zombie chicken!"
Well, I'll tell you. Zombie chickens look a little like...

GUINEAS!

 

And then as the moon rose into the sky, the children (who seemed to think they had been zombified too) went out to greet the dark shadows lurking in the distance.

 

“I will not be threatened by a walking meat loaf!”
An American Werewolf in London (1981)

 

 

But as hard as she tried, she could not suck the brains through the calf's thick skull... which was just fine with her mother who didn't want to have to compensate the landlord for the calf! 

And they all lived spookily ever after!

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Zombie Chicken Attack!

(You didn't think I could leave the day on a negative note, did you?)

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programing to bring you images of the Chicken Zombie Apocalypse currently taking place in Virginia!

It's a terrible thing to behold! You can't hear poor Jack screaming as there are too many zombie chickens in his mouth! Jack was never known for being a potential Mensa member, but so far the zombie chickens have eaten most of any brains the poor guy had left... and quite a bit of his face, too!

Jack used to smile all the time, but now he bears the most macabre expression. Never again will he fall for the old "Just a quick peck on the cheek" thing. Lies! They didn't have friendly kissing in mind, but evil brain and face guzzling intentions!

And now the unthinkable! They're eating Demonic Hello Kitty!

Uhhh.... "Goodbye Kitty?"

Om nom nom nom!

(And for those of you who may be wondering... yes - Iraq had a meltdown over the Hello Kitty pumpkin. We printed out the "before" photo of it, and she carried it around the rest of the day.)

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Asperger's, Autism, Down Syndrome, Coping with Parental Frustration and Those Thoughts I Don't Like To Think

I've always taken great pride in the ability to see the good - the silver lining - in my life and in my daily challenges with my kids. I've blogged time and time again about the good and fun things that go on in our family, and yet I've also been pretty open about the not-so-great things that happen... I make jokes about both the good and the bad. I'm usually pretty good at being somewhat witty sometimes. (Yes - that is a nearly nonsensical sentence on purpose. - LOL)

Today I'm going to talk about some frustrations that have been building up lately. I'm going to talk about how. for the first time since she was born, I've let myself wonder what life would be like without her. It hurts to think that way, and it hurts to admit it... but I'm going to, and I'm going to share it with you.

Both the hubby and I are frustrated. We're tired - exhausted really - and we're leery about the future. The vast majority of parents experience plenty of bumps in the road, but live with the knowledge that once their kid turns 18, they as parents will be rewarded for their toils with a certain amount of new freedom.

When our kid turns 18, we don't know if she'll be capable of being granted independence within our society...

And I should mention here that I'm actually NOT talking about our daughter with Down syndrome. No - I'm talking about our daughter with the Asperger's diagnosis. We're not too worried about The Skink. She is so social and outgoing she'll probably have a job through high school and at some point her dad and I will be begging her to stay and not to move out.

No - I'm talking about our very high-functioning autistic daughter. Asperger's... the diagnosis initially fell on our ears like music because it meant there was a word for the hell we had been putting up with since her birth.

 (She's beautiful, isn't she?)

I don't want to give the impression that all children with Asperger's are hellish. They are NOT! If you've met one child with Autism/Asperger's, you have met one child with Autism/Asperger's. Simple as that. They are all very different and they all have their very own quirks and personalities. In fact I am an Aspie myself, and my mother would tell you I was incredibly fun and easy to raise! (My high-anxiety quirk as a child kept me out of trouble. I was far too straight and narrow at that time to do anything I saw as being "against the rules." I know what you're thinking - "Holy cow! What happened?" LOL - with time I learned the world would not implode if I let my rebel side lose... at appropriate times of course.)

Our daughter just happens to have some very hard to live with quirks. She did not inherit my "don't break the rules" thing. Nope... she seems to seek out new and more devious ways of breaking rules. And she seems not to care a bit about ramifications or punishment. No matter the punishment she receives, she will continue doing the same negative behavior over and over and over.

I've talked about her stealing (kleptomania) a number of times. See one post here. The issue continues. She "relocates" stuff from her brother's room, stuff from the medicine cabinet, stuff from her classmates' desks at school, stuff from her grandparents house and stuff from wherever else she decides to take from. Well... I should rephrase that. Her kleptomania is an OCD behavior - a side effect of the autism spectrum disorder. It is something that can not be talked or punished out of her. It just is, and we just have to deal with the issue one day at a time. (Yes - we do punish each and every occurrence - that we find out about - all to no avail... but we keep on trying.)

She still has meltdowns. Lots of them. The pent-up stress from the day is released at home each evening like a dam breaking. Anything at all can be the catalyst for the release. Homework is a given catalyst. If she doesn't melt down over homework, it could be anything else - like not being allowed to eat ice cream just as I'm getting dinner on the table. It starts with a whiny voice... like a jet engine warming up... and progresses to tears and running away, throwing things or even violence. In this state she can't hear reason... in fact I'm not sure she can hear anything at all. Once the dam starts breaking, there is nothing that can be done to hold it together. Nothing. Ever.

And this doesn't always happen only at home. She has a very low threshold for stimulation and tends to become very overstimulated in busy, loud or colorful places... like the grocery story, fairs, festivals or any new and different place we might try to take her.

She is dependent upon a set schedule and doing things in a very set way. Any variation from the schedule or trying a different way of doing something causes a huge amount of anxiety in her that can erupt in a myriad of ways.

She has exhibited a variety of very unusual behaviors over the years. For a time she was urinating in strange places. Into purses, onto toys, into cups that were kept like treasures in the back of her closet. Thankfully that little habit has gone away!

Then there was the Mark of Iraq phase where she would mark all of her clothing and much of the rest of the family's clothing with a single cut from scissors. On shirts it was usually in the front, just to the side of the left arm.

Instead of playing with her toys in an imaginary way, she prefers to line them all up in neat, straight lines. This is ongoing.

She takes food and eats (part of) it in strange places... then leaves the rest in hiding. Granola bars, pop tarts, yogurt, cheese... you name it. Sometimes I don't find it until I tear the place apart looking for "the smell." Other times I just follow the ants to it or stumble upon it in a sock drawer or some other odd place by chance :(

She hoards or squirrels things... She may take a bag, backpack or purse and fill it (stuff it, really) with apparently random items, or simply make great piles of things in random places. Nobody is allowed to touch any toys that are lined up or in a pile... ever. Or else!

She is downright cruel to her little sister, but she just doesn't understand that she is being cruel because she is not in possession if the clear sense of empathy that other people are born with. She is having to learn empathy... but for her it is just a matter of going through the motions (when she wants to).

And lately? Lately her newest trick has been hiding. Not like hide-an-go-seek hiding, but creepy hiding. Like hiding under Daddy and Mommy's bed. We've found her under there (and punished her for hiding under there) numerous times in the past months. Once we discovered her under there while we were... ahem... you know. And she keeps doing it. We now have to check under our bed and in our closet before we... you know. And that does nothing for the mood!

She also hides behind one of the couches in the living room. I have no idea how many inappropriate murder mysteries she has witnessed from back there. It's exhausting trying to remember to check for her in this place or that when we've already dealt with a day of melt downs and OCD behaviors and just want to sit in a semi-coma-like condition for one hour and watch a weekly series.

It's exhausting!

We've had therapists come into the home and work with her and work with us. The therapists are required to work with us under the assumption that many parents just aren't parenting well. Every time we get a new therapist (we've had a few because Iraq is hard to manage) they soon come to the conclusion that yeah - we have tried everything... to no avail. So usually they want us to go back and try something again. We always do... to no avail. But if it was deemed "worth a try" (again) by the therapist, we do it.

We've tried positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, every combination of both reinforcements and a certain extent of letting her have what she wants to lower our parental stress level (as suggested by her psychiatrist). The behaviors continue.

And you know what everyone (doctors, therapists, teachers, etc.) tell us now?

"Well, just keep trying!"

For 9 years we have just kept trying. And at the same time we have been (still) dealing with a wide variety of bizarre and unusual behavior each and every day that most other parents will never be confronted with. Ever.

And because she is so difficult , we never get a break. When we moved from the city to the farm in August, my wonderful mother kindly took the two girls from August 17 until the evening of the 20th so that I could dedicate myself to packing and moving. My poor mother was dealing with some bad arthritis pain at the time, but by the 20th she called me, almost in tears, to say that she couldn't keep them any more. That 5 days was long enough!! While it hadn't been 5 days, I totally understood where she was coming from! Every day spent with Iraq takes the work of 3 or 4.

So while the one thing Daddy and Mommy really, really, really need is a vacation, it is unlikely we will get one any time soon. We went on a cruise when Iraq was about a year old - my fantastic sister watched Iraq and Broadway for us for a whole week - but that was the last time we were away from her (until the move which wasn't exactly a vacation by any stretch of the imagination).

You know what? It is hard. It is really, really hard, and there is no defined end in sight.

The Skink? In comparison to her big sister, The Skink is really, really easy! Even though she wasn't fully potty trained until she was 6. Even though she still doesn't understand simple things like staying out of a road or other basic personal safety issues. Even though she has had some health complications related to her prematurity. Even though she learns things slowly. She is still far easier!

So why am I writing all of this? I'm writing it because I don't think I'm the only person - or that my husband and I are the only couple - feeling overwhelmed by autism. I wanted to share it so that other people who are at the end of their rope (and still being told by the professionals to "Just keep trying,") know that they are not alone. I am sharing this to give people who do not have a child in the autism spectrum a little perspective. Do you know how crushing it is to us when you give us dirty looks in the grocery store because you assume our child is just spoiled and that we are bad parents?

And finally I am writing this because I have not gone into depth about these feelings before, and I don't want anybody to be under the incorrect impression that I am an awesome and infallible mom who wears a "SuperMom" cape under my clothes. (Well - not usually - it gets too hot and constricting, I find.)

Yes - there are days I would sell my middle-kid to the first band of passing gypsies. Of course those are the days that the gypsies don't pass by. There are days that I fantasize about life without this child and all the stress and drama. I believe I wouldn't have high blood pressure or have had a cardiac arrest were she not in my life.

And then I feel horrible and guilty for allowing myself to think such things. What kind of parent am I who would wish away her child? I am falling short of my expectations of myself... which are far from perfect to begin with.

I am a "good enough" mom... but to keep it real, I'm also human and I have my moments.

So please leave a comment! Don't forget to include the dates and times you can "babysit" my 9-year-old for me!

JUST KIDDING!

I love my readers and I wouldn't want to torture you that way!

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Calling All Turkeys

Well, as promised, a picture of The Skink wearing her penguin nebulizer mask and orchestrating her own "breeding teetment."

Over the last year she has gotten quite talented at taking care of her own breathing treatments, going so far as to tap the medication cup to use up the last of the droplets. All I have to do is put the medication in and tell her to do her treatment.

Daddy got up with the gang to get them off to school this morning and says The Skink didn't sound too bad this morning. YAY! (She's still getting 2 breeding teetments a day until further notice, though!)

As for me, I spent the night perfecting my turkey calls. Not sure if any turkeys fell for the ruse and came out of hiding as I was bent over the toilet at the time. Yup - one of those nasty 12-hour deals which has left me with one heck of a dehydration headache... but thankful it wasn't a 24-hour bug!!

So - I'm keeping it short and I'm off to take a nap!

By the way - what do you think of my new layout??

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Twisted Wheezer on the Loose!

Yup - this morning The Skink had the audacity to get out of bed sounding reminiscent of coffee percolating through an old coffee maker. Luckily she was a perky percolator. She bounced out of bed (wheeze), tore off her pajamas in record time (wheeze), and demanded a different pair of jeans (wheeze). She got dressed (wheeze), bounded down the stairs (wheeze), and yelled, "Yay! School!" (wheeze).

I asked, "How 'bout a breathing treatment?" to which she replied, "Yay! Breeding teetment!" (wheeze).

Ya know? Tomorrow I'm actually going to try to remember in my un-caffeinated stupor to get some pictures of my happy-go-lucky, wheezy Skink wearing her penguin nebulizer mask.

And why does spell check not know the word "nebulizer?" It keeps asking me if I want to "neutralize" my child!

No... I don't!

That would be twisted... much like my child in this photo. What? Is she doing some sort of macabre Halloween pose? She looks like she just slithered down some stairs and out of a horror movie! (Which means this picture is definitely one for this year's Christmas card!!!)

Now that's how you make the most of hypotonia!!

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Does this kid look sick to you? This morning's wheezing was replaced with running, jumping, dancing and giggling. Yay!

But for now I'll plan nebulizing her each morning as a precautionary measure... just because she's a goober :P         A very happy goober.

Apparently there's some sort of ladybug apocalypse going on at the farm. The little buggers are everywhere! Some with two spots, some with four. Some with six spots, some with more!

The girls love playing with them and the chickens are eating it up! I mean really - the chickens and guineas are eating the heck out of all the crunchy, red, flying snack food!

(This would have made a perfect Christmas card picture had there been snow! I would have run in to grab some dehydrated mashed potato flakes, but the guineas might have freaked a little if I tried to throw my edible fake snow on them.   Pity.)

And with the thought of potato flakes still swirling in your head like a buttery blizzard, I'll leave you with a few more photos from today.

 (Mills is getting so grown up!)

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Wheezy, Breezy... Just Beautiful!

Ya' know? There must be something about the fresh, beautiful October air that just doesn't mesh with Skink lungs! After mentioning the dreaded Pediatric ICU event in yesterday's post, The Skink got up this morning with a wheeze!

No discharge and obviously feeling her oats (or CheeriO's), I got her up and dressed and placed her on the couch for a quick breathing treatment. She sat happily with the mask on her face for the entire session and then bounded on to the bus.

*sigh*

I have a feeling the nebulizer will be seeing a lot more action in the weeks to come. Honestly, I don't care if I have to make her sleep upside down like a Halloween bat for the next few weeks if it will keep her lungs clear! We are NOT going back to the hospital this year... or ever, if I can help it! (At least not to stay.)

Keep your fingers crossed The Skink's lungs stay as clear as the beautiful blue skies we're having today in VA!

(Don't worry - that brown stuff on her face is paint. I swear my kid isn't shit-faced in this photo!)

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Hell Oh Farm Kitty - Pumpkin Carving Day!

I've been putting off pumpkin carving this year because in years past we carved our pumpkins a few weeks before Halloween only to have them morph into moldy pumpkin mush. (I just told everyone we made ours look like cow patties on purpose when they asked.)

Of course last year The Skink went into the hospital right after Halloween with her first of two rounds of viral pneumonia - so the cow patties got to turn into greenish gelatinous effluvia before we got around to scraping them off the front steps with a snow shovel. (I was kinda hoping they would simply grow legs or scales or something and wander off on their own, but no such luck.)

Anywhoo - today was pumpkin carving day on this farm, and we couldn't have asked for a more beautiful day!

First Iraq and I found a rather normal and boring-looking Hello Kitty picture on the interwebs. (Um, HelLOL Kitty? Hee-hee-hee.) I modified the picture to Iraq's liking, adding some fangs, claws and a knife. We printed out our modified picture, cut off the excess paper and taped the picture to the pumpkin.

Iraq and I took all the weapons of mass pumpkin destruction out to the picnic table. We then took a toothpick and poked holes through the picture and into the flesh of the pumpkin to mark the places we needed to cut. Simple as that!

Just as we were beginning to clean out Iraq's pumpkin, our landlords came clip-clopping down the road on their horses. Of course all things pumpkin were temporarily forgotten as Iraq raced over to pat the horses.

As the horses (and the awesome Mr. S & Mrs. C) clip-clopped off into the distance, Iraq sighed and said, "I wish we had a horse!" To which I replied with a sigh, "I wish we had two Welsh ponies and one off-the-track Thoroughbred." Yeah - I really miss having a horse or four. Some day...

With a few more sighs, we went back to our work cleaning out the pumpkin. With pumpkin guts (Hello Kitty guts) flying in every direction, we soon attracted some attention.

We promised them some pumpkin guts and seeds after we were done. Of course that didn't prevent the entire flock from circling us like a school of squawking sharks. As Iraq and I started to cut the design, Daddy and The Skink came out to join us and carve The Skink's pumpkin.

Daddy hates having his picture taken so don't tell him I published this one :) As much as Daddy hates it, I think the kids need to be able to see that he was actually there when they take a walk down memory lane by way of our vast collection of electronic photo files. Of course there are rarely any pictures of ME anywhere either... I'm always the one brandishing the camera.

And now for the great unveiling!!!
With no further ado, I present (drum roll please).....

Demonic Hello Kitty... with a Knife... on a Pumpkin!

Since taking photos of jack-o-lanterns in the dark often doesn't work well, we were able to capture the sun just so to illuminate our creation.

It's ALIVE!!

I think she likes it!

So, did you carve, paint, decoupage or otherwise adorn a pumpkin this year, and if so, what did you do?? I'd love to hear from you so leave a comment to show you stopped by!

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