Monday, August 15, 2011

The Amazing Adventures of SuperMom - now in color...

Taking a child with Asperger's (autism spectrum) and a child with Down syndrome to the doctor is NOT like going on a trip to Vegas... at all.

So with school starting in about 2 weeks, it suddenly crossed my mind that both the girls needed their yearly physicals done before they'll be allowed to actually go to school. I really don't have a problem with this since I don't want my girls catching something like, say, the plague, from classmates that haven't had a yearly inspection. My issue is remembering to make an appointment for my kids before school actually starts.

I totally lucked out today because when I called to beg and plead for an appointment, they had just gotten a cancellation for this afternoon. Yay!

So we loaded up and got to the doctor's office only 3 minutes late which is pretty good for us. The Skink is still leery of all doctors (or even anyone who wears a lot of white) after last year's little hospital stay where unpleasant things were done to her around the clock for a week. She shook the whole time we were there, but did very well, all things considered. I'm happy to report neither of my girls has Ebola, rabies or the plague!

Just when we thought we were home free, the doctor was kind enough to share with me that both girls needed immunizations.

Happy, happy!

Iraq was very unhappy to learn this little tid-bit! At first she said she would go first and get it over with, but then proceeded to lock herself in the bathroom for 10 minutes. I went ahead and let them stick The Skink 2ce... she was supposed to have 4, but since autism runs in our family, I avoid "overload" by spreading them out instead of allowing them all at once. (We'll be going back in 2 weeks so they can torture her again.)

When we finally coaxed Iraq out of the bathroom, she came into the examination room and promptly hid under the big, wood exam table! The poor nurses (who didn't want a malpractice suit brought against them for cruel and unusual handling of a patient) informed me that I had to remove her from under the table.

It's very unfortunate that I didn't have an extra person with me to take pictures... and you know how I am about getting pictures of the crazy stuff that happens. So, since I don't have actual photographs of this exciting and unusual event, I have taken it upon myself to illustrate my story like this:


I even made my muscles look comic-book-big for effect! And while I may have taken the liberty of making myself appear about 20 lbs thinner, you'll notice that I did include the lovely plumbers crack issue that appeared mid-pull.

It was like pulling a calf... not that I've ever actually pulled a calf, but I've seen it done on a show about cattle ranchers. I got down and stuck my arm under the table, grabbed a thin-but-powerful 8-year-old arm, avoided being bitten, got myself into a sitting position, braced both flip-flopped feet on the side of the table and PUUUUUUUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLED!

Amazingly, I was able to get her out... but not without one heck of a fight.

Just another day for SuperMom, right? So in celebration of comic book-style illustrations...


See? I even put the crackly-paper on the exam table :o)

By this point The Skink (who had already calmed down after her own shots) was pretty much freaking out again. Who could blame her considering her sister was shrieking like a stuck pig. In fact, Iraq was screaming so much and so loudly, every nurse in the building ran to our exam room expecting missing limbs, alligators and Ebola.

It took 3 of them to hold down my 43 lb 8-year-old and administer the necessary chicken pox booster. The second they got her subdued enough to actually stick her, she stopped crying and exclaimed, "That didn't even hurt!"

REALLY?

All that and it didn't even hurt? After everything SuperMom and the herd of SuperNurses went through, it should have at least lived up to Iraq's expectations a little

So... by the time the fire department arrived to save the Ebola-stricken girl under attack by an alligator, we were all tear-free and running like heck to the car! (OK - so the fire department didn't actually show up, but you should have seen how the other parents were looking at us!!)

And to celebrate their health, I treated them to some cholesterol-laden happy meals from McDonalds.

So... SuperMom has gone back to her secret layer in the bosom of Spa Mountain (in Vegas, babyyyyy!) where she does nothing but recline and eat bon-bons until someone sends up the super-secret SuperMom beacon to alert her to another world-threatening emergency... or at least until those ear drum-piercing screeches emanate from her 8-year-old again...

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4 comments:

  1. Damn! I miss all the really fun stuff! LOL!!

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  2. We had some similar challenges with Michael getting shots. A couple of years ago, a flu shot took a lot of writhing and 3 of us to get it given to him.

    He had to get his tetanus booster. He fought it for a minute but then relaxed his arm and it was over. Quicker than I'd ever seen.

    For him, though, of course he typically passes out from the anxiety of the shot. didn't even do that this time!

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  3. LOVED the illustrations....lol. My Jas used to be like this over even the most routine of visits..I remember forgetting to tell the on call doctor that she had sensory issues and didn't like her ears touched....yeah that turned out real cute...lol

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  4. I'd really like to do a giveaway on your blog! I am a Shaklee Independent Distributor and can give away 5 samples of our Basic H2 cleaner. It's organic and non-toxic. Email me if you're interested! andrea(dot)zimlicki(at)gmail(dot)com :)

    ReplyDelete

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