Socially... Antisocial

Iraq had her ballet performance last Saturday. Everything went beautifully... for the most part.

As the mother of a child with an autism spectrum issue (namely Aspergers) it is hard knowing that my high-functioning daughter will always have issues with social interaction. Knowing that she has Aspergers is a huge step in the right direction for me as a parent. It means I can more easily identify her weaknesses and do my part to teach her HOW to interact.

The problem comes in when little Iraq has little interest in learning HOW to interact because she just doesn't care. She doesn't care... until she has been completely alienated by her peers. Then she wonders why they won't play with her, or for that matter, even speak to her.

I have tried to explain social grace to her on occasions too numerous to count, but she doesn't think my reasoning is valid. It's much like trying to parent Spock from Star Trek. "I find your explanations lack reason and logic... "

How do you explain to an almost-7-year-old that her female peers often act based on emotion and not logic? Of course my own little Spock does not lack emotion in any sense... she is far too easily incensed if I do not allow her to act exactly as she pleases. And unfortunately, she often pleases to do some wildly strange and bizarre things (as far as I can see).

So here are some "social interaction" pictures I took backstage during the final dress rehearsal for the ballet...

Initially all is well when nobody is too close... but when the adorable little girl on her right leans in to the shot...

Hey! Too CLOSE!

That's better but you have ruffled my little, blue feathers!

I will now physically distance myself from you, and my prickly vibes will frighten the little girl on my left and she will leave...  quickly...

When I am alone, I can adhere this endearing smile to the frontal quadrant of my cranium...

For today, I am a bluebird...

And I do not require your presence in my territory!

But I will concede to playing with your toys... provided you do not touch me, look at me, or ask me why I like to line them all up in little rows after I have dressed them all in the same color...

And now I will take up as much room as possible so that you may not approach...

And I will use a frightening expression as I lunge outward to vanquish any thoughts you may have had about trespassing into the territory that I have marked...

I will now look unconcerned... so that you will know that I am superior...

I have completed my posturing at this time, and you may take my photograph.

What more can I say? The photographs are posted in the order in which they were taken. The performance went beautifully, but no photos could be taken during the actual show. Iraq played her part to a "T" and loved the applause. She did not suffer any jitters as her little peers did... I suppose it wouldn't have been logical seeing as how she is our superior and all.

AND... She's not afraid of lions or tigers or bears....      Oh, *sigh*

In other news, Iraq was able to pick her first piece of home-grown food - in the form of this delicious strawberry...

And it was superior to any strawberry you may have grown, I'm quite sure!    LOL!

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I Want It MY Way!

Poor Iraq just got home from school where she did not have a very good day. Apparently she had to sit out of recess after shutting all the stall doors in the Girl's bathroom and locking them from the inside.

I think I may have mentioned before that Iraq likes everything to be lined up neatly and look orderly. I'm sure the Girl's bathroom looked much more orderly with all the doors neatly shut. When asked why she did it, she simply said she wants things her way.

This is not a first. For the past few weeks she has been saying this a lot. Each time it comes up, I explain that in order to have friends and get along in this world, we have to be willing to share - to participate in give and take. She hasn't been impressed with the concept.

At this stage, having things her way seems far more enticing than little things like, say... friends. Other people don't really seem to matter too much. Admittedly, this is just part of autism. Children in the autism spectrum can feel quite detached from social structure. Though girls in the spectrum will often mimic their peers far better than their male counterparts, it is still just mimicking. The actual desire to help and please others does not exist beyond an expression of what they have seen acted out by friends and peers.

Unfortunately, if Iraq is to make it on this planet, she is going to have to learn to mimic the natives as well as possible. She does not understand WHY this is important at this point, and I know this will be a harsh lesson to learn as time passes. I am NOT looking forward to Junior High! These years are hard even for the most "normal" of girls, let alone someone with social detachment.

*sigh*

Live and learn. All I can do is try to help her to the best of my abilities... whether she wants to listen to what I am telling her or not. If I just keep explaining it, maybe she can assimilate simply by acting out the behaviors I describe until she understands a little better... but then... you can lead a horse to water...

Line Up!

One of the things about Aspergers (especially in girls) is that the symptoms can be almost unrecognizable to most. Outwardly, these kids look totally normal. K (who will henceforth be known as Iraq) is an honor roll student at her school, and according to her school, this means there is nothing wrong with her.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not suggesting there is anything "wrong" with her, either. I'm just saying that she's a bit... unique.

For instance, this morning I grabbed her new shoes - recently purchased to replace a pair with a hole in the side of one. As I went to try to help her put them on, she went into near-full meltdown mode, informing me that she couldn't possible wear her NEW shoes! She wanted to keep them safely in their box in her closet where they wouldn't get scuffed or dirty.

I spent the next 15 minutes gently explaining that the reason we BUY new shoes is so they may be worn. I was able to finally talk her into wearing them by saying that if she didn't wear them out, we wouldn't need to buy new shoes... ever!

She put them on begrudgingly, and lamented that she never wanted to throw away ANY of her shoes, EVER! (Oh great - I'm raising a future reality star for the show "Hoarders.") With visions in my mind of a house filled with thousands of old shoes, I told her that keeping all those shoes would eventually make our house smell like a giant foot. As she giggled at my joke, I could see the gears turning in her head. I am truly hoping this means I have changed the course of the future and prevented poor Iraq from becoming the little old lady who lives in a shoe - or at least a house that smells like one.

Then it was time to wait for the bus. Aspie kids are creatures of habit... and I don't mean that lightly! They rely on routine to the point that any variation of  their routine may cause the world to shift upon its axis! Iraq gets on the bus each day and plants herself in the front seat on the door-side of the bus. I almost had heart failure when the bus pulled up today and I saw two children already occupying Iraq's seat! I held my breath as I watched her climb up the steps of the bus. I could see her stop with a dumbfounded look on her face when she realized her seat was taken. I could see her attempt to negotiate with the seat's occupants (who clearly had no interest in moving). After a tension-filled moment, poor Iraq took one more step down the aisle and sat in the second seat. She was so clearly distraught that she wouldn't even wave good-bye to me.

Until only recently, little Iraq never participated in imaginary play. In fact, for the first 5 years of her life, she spent most of her spare time wrapped about my ankle. Now it would seem she is catching on to the concept of this type of play from the other children at school... to a point. She has successfully detached herself from my ankle, and will spend periods of time in her room "playing" with some of her toys. Her favorites are Hotwheels cars and small Disney princess dolls. Her method of "play" might baffle most non-ASD (autism spectrum disorder) children. She does not make up and act out stories that involve her toys, but spend hours arranging them - sometimes is straight lines, sometimes in patterns, sometimes by color... and don't even THINK about TOUCHING one of the toys once they have been arranged!

*sigh*

At very least she is on the honor roll at school, right? I mean... that makes her normal...