Is your family too big for a sedan, but you don’t want your friends to see you driving a minivan? We have your vehicle! No – don’t call the police… I mean we have your NEXT vehicle.
We know how crazy your life is, so we’re listing this vehicle UNDER Kelly Blue Book Value! (We’re cool like that.)
Think of this – now you can get decent gas mileage, not get stuck in the mud, fit all your whining kids in the car AND look semi-cool while you drive around town telling all your kids to shut-up and quit poking or looking at each other or you’ll make them walk home! (We all know you’re not really going to make them walk home, but we’ve all said it, right?) Might even help if you tell them *exactly* how freakin’ cold it is out there – and you’ll know just by looking at the built-in outside temperature gage. If you want to give ‘em a taste of what “cold” feels like, you can put the dual electronic automatic temperature control to use and cool them off while you stay toasty warm up front. Of course you could always duct-tape them to the roof-top rack… but I’ve found that law enforcement officials tend to frown on that.
Now then, if you’re a real glutton for punishment, you can pack up all those kids, hook up your pop-up camper (provided you have a pop-up camper) and take ‘em all camping for the weekend – ‘cause this baby comes with a towing package!
You may even be able to drown out some of the whining by turning up the volume of the AM/FM, six-disc, in-dash CD player… and it’s easy because there are volume, radio and CD controls right on the steering wheel (which is great if your significant other has bad taste in music).
Another great advantage to this vehicle is that when you get so stressed out that you can’t remember for the life of you where you were supposed to be at 7:30 p.m. on Wednesday, the car will remember to turn on its own lights! No – it’s not possessed or anything… it just has one of them new-fangled sensor things.
So for those of you who want it, here’s the run-down of this vehicle’s features:
Color - Blue/Silver – Great condition
Only 61,000 Miles
Automatic Transmission (because who has time to shift?)
All-wheel-drive system
Leather Seats (apple juice-resistant)
Towing Package
Power Driver’s Seat (Because the driver should have the power – right?)
Quad Seating: Front and 2nd Row Captain’s Chairs & 3rd Row 60/40 Split-fold Seating / Fold-Away Seats
Seven-passenger capability
Side-impact airbags
Cruise control
Anti-lock brakes (ABS)
Air Conditioning
AM/FM with an MP3-capable, six-disc, in-dash CD player
In-dash outside-temperature display
Steering wheel-mounted radio/CD controls
Automatic (but not possessed) headlamps
Fog lamps
Dual electronic automatic temperature control
Duratec 30 3.0-liter, V-6 engine
Rear Defroster
Power Mirrors
Power Windows
Alloy Wheels
Comes with 2 sets of Keys & Remote Locking/Unlocking Devices
Call now and spend one less day squashing your growing children into one bench seat! Johnny really did do it first, you know.
OK - so I realize most people aren't in the market for a car right now. If not, buy Disaster Flambe for your Kindle or The Littlest Sister for your kids! (Yup - shameless plug there!) Click on either image to go straight to my Amazon pages!
Keep smiling! It makes people wonder what you've been up to!
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