Thanksgiving sent our home into holiday disarray - Asperger's style. The whole problem with these darn holidays is that it messes with Iraq's schedule, and when you mess with Iraq's schedule, you are taking your life into your own hands.
The meal turned out perfectly, much to my great amazement!
And my husband and Broadway hung the Christmas lights on the house.
It looks way better in person - my son wanted it to look like water trickling out of the birdbath and creating a stream from which some deer are drinking. They succeeded.
Of course that night we were in for melt-downs immediately following the discovery of multiple stolen items in Iraq's bedroom. *sigh* The fun didn't stop there, and we've been feeling the after-effects of messing with the schedule for the past week. yippee...
So - moving on...
Today we had our weekly appointment with (one of) Iraq's therapists. We went to a room full of toys and after an adjustment/free time, the therapist asked us to play with the doll house together. We put all the furniture in it, and then the therapist told me to go sit down and "take a break," and asked Iraq to clean up. I would have been shaking in my boots, but I couldn't because I was wearing sneakers. This kind of request frightens me because I know it will make Iraq mad, and that her rage will be directed at... me. *gulp*
Iraq looked furious, but unlike many boys with Asperger's, 8-year-old girls with Asperger's (at least mine) is less likely to go into full meltdown mode unless they are in a "safe place" like home, their grandparent's house or just alone with mom and dad. Since we were at the therapist's office and the therapist was in the room, she *did* start
throwing putting the doll furniture away, but kept the angry look on her face and growled about the unfairness of the situation. Throughout that time the therapist talked to me about something... but I have no idea what it was because I was so focused on the thought swirling through my brain about what would happen if the session time ran out and I had to get in the car and go home with a very angry little girl. Yikes! The mere thought of it was enough to make me nauseous.
Lucky for me, the therapist had a plan. And it was very illuminating, indeed. (Does anybody use the word "indeed" any more?) Anywhoo... After Iraq finished putting away the toys, the therapist asked Iraq how she was feeling about what just happened.
"I'm MAD!" Iraq snapped, sounding somewhat like a rabid dog with a bad headache.
"That wasn't fair to ask you to pick up by yourself, was it?" the therapist asked her.
"NO, it wasn't!" Iraq growled back.
"Who are you mad at?"
"HER!" Iraq snarled, pointing at me.
"Why are you mad at your mom?"
"Because SHE made me clean up all by myself!"
"Who asked you to clean up while your mom sat down?" the therapist queried, pointedly.
"She did!" Iraq answered, again pointing at me.
"Did your mom ask you to clean up while she sat down, or did I say 'Iraq, you clean up while your mom takes a break'?"
"My mom told me to clean up..." This time Iraq's voice had a hint of confusion in it.
"I didn't hear your mom say anything about cleaning up. I remember that I said, 'Iraq, you clean up while your mom takes a break.' Do you remember that?"
Iraq didn't say anything this time, and we could almost see the glimmer of a small light bulb flickering on somewhere in the depths of her consciousness. As I saw the realization of what had just transpired in Iraq's eyes, I knew I was watching a small break-through, and I almost did a happy dance (but I didn't because it would have been highly inappropriate just then).
Again the therapist asked, "That wasn't fair to ask you to pick up by yourself, was it? Who are you angry with right now?"
This time Iraq pointed at the therapist, but the anger had all but left her features. She looked a little sheepish as she said, "It wasn't fair and I didn't like that."
The therapist and I both told her how proud we were that she did clean up even though the situation had been unfair. The therapist told her that she was proud Iraq didn't have a melt down to which Iraq replied, "I would have if we were at home!"
Hey - that was an honest statement!
The interesting part of the whole situation was the clear illustration of Iraq's misplaced anger. She truly believed in that time that
I had been the one to wrong her. I think there have been many, many times when Iraq has felt wronged by someone or something, but that anger sooner or later manifested itself with a meltdown directed at her father or myself.
We are her safe zone. Home is the safe place. She holds all her fears, frustrations, anger and anxiety inside - like a grenade with its pin pulled out - until she gets home. Then...
BOOM!
And when she blows up, all that anger and emotion is directed at... us.
In other news...
Tonight my husband is taking The Skink to have a sleep study done. The Skink had been on oxygen at night following her hospital stay, but the monitor that measures oxygen saturation kept going off - all... night... long.
So now that she has recovered from pneumonia, we're having a study done because it is very likely that the monitor would have gone off prior to the illness - - as in, she has issues breathing when she's asleep. We had no idea because she doesn't snore or make any noise at all.
**Update** My hubby just texted me this gem of a picture he took with his phone:
Run! It's a spaghetti monster... and it's captured some cows!
Depending on the results, our 5-year-old may have to use a C-PAP machine. We had a hard enough time keeping an oxygen cannula on her... totally not looking forward to the possibility of a big ol' mask attached to a big ol' hose and a bunch of wires! How on earth is that going to work?
Oh well... we'll burn that bridge when we get to it.
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