Mouse Remorse

So over the past month or so, we became aware of an extra "pet" in our house... the kind of pet that usually has a partner and can produce more pets at an astounding rate.
It's really no surprise that we would acquire this kind of winter-time pet... goodness knows it had plenty to eat with my littles leaving their crumbs about.

I bought traps that are fully enclosed so that when you capture your pet, you don't have to see the end results of the capture - if you know what I mean. (Can you even imagine Iraq finding a squashed mouse in the kitchen? It would traumatize her for months.) The other benefit of such traps is that they are pretty much child-proof (a good thing in our house). Unfortunately our pet didn't take the bait.

So my hubby went ahead and bought the old-fashioned-type mouse traps and then proceeded to come thiiiiiiiss close to trapping his own fingers... twice. (It's really entertaining to see a 6'3" man's reaction when a mousetrap gives way in his hand.)

Finally he got 2 traps set and placed (all of his fingers still intact), and over the last week our "pet" has apparently been using the set traps as feeding stations... and then leaving.

Until this morning.

Did our little pet have the decency to stick its neck in the trap like a normal mouse? No. I got to wake up to the most pathetic little brown mouse dragging the trap around the kitchen by its broken femur!

So. Not. Right.

You see, I have a real issue with killing critters. Yeah - it's a mouse. I know. But it's a life. (I swear - I must have been a Buddhist monk in my last life.) If the thing had been relatively uninjured, I would have had no issue with driving it out to the countryside and releasing it. No problem at all.

But no. NO... now I have to kill it. I can't just let it suffer with a horribly broken femur (and possibly hip). I have to put it out of the misery that we inadvertently caused it by catching the wrong part of it's anatomy in a trap and mangling the poor thing.

So I found a plastic container and held the trap over the container while I gently lifted the lever, letting the mouse plop down into the container. I've heard that carbon monoxide poisoning is a good way to kill small critters with a minimum of pain, so I trot out and turn on my truck. I open the container and hold it up to the exhaust pipe (but not too close so as not to burn the poor creature). As it got down to the twitching phase, I capped the container, assuming there was still enough carbon monoxide in there to finish the little scrap off.

Just as I was about to deposit the container into the garbage... our pet awoke and started running around the container again.

Really?

Back to the exhaust pipe, and this time I held it there long after the twitching stopped.

Then, as I was dumping the mouse and its clear, plastic coffin in the garbage, I could see that the mouse was female... and lactating.

Yippee... more pets!

And with that, I leave you with some recent pictures of the two people in our house who have seemingly put themselves in charge of ensuring our "pets" will have enough to eat. As you can see, with the weather turning nice, I am encouraging them to eat their treats outside.

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Stealing Consequences - My Kleptomaniac Kid with Aspergers

 Isn't she adorable? So sweet and innocent-looking?

She steals stuff. She has since she was 2 or 3 years old, and never once have those acts gone unpunished... but how do you teach a kiddo to stop unwanted (not to mention illegal) behavior when she simply doesn't learn from consequences?

Up until about 8 years ago, I was one of the best moms the world had ever seen! I kid you not - aside from his ADHD, my son was one of the most well-behaved kids ever to be born on this planet. (OK - well perhaps I kid a little... it makes my blog more interesting!) If he misbehaved, I quickly responded with a fitting consequence to each act of mischief, and like magic, the bad behaviors evaporated. I was a parenting SUPERSTAR!

You know? Being vain about crap like that is really stupid!

Iraq has opened my eyes to a whole different world of parenting. Those 100-percent timely and fitting consequences?      Pppfffftt!     Yeah - like those were gonna work on HER! No matter how big or harsh the consequence, Iraq has shown she is more deeply affected by her Asperger's and OCD than she is by any consequence handed down my her school, my husband or me.

We have taken and tried suggestions by numerous specialists. We, her teachers and her therapists have incorporated every means known to man to "modify her behavior," stop her behavior... and at the same time avoid disabling, dismembering or killing her.


The flip-side of this stealing thing is that children in the autism spectrum often have a hard time empathizing with other humans. The whole "well, how would YOU feel if someone stole YOUR lip gloss" thing doesn't work.

Until now her stealing has been limited to small items like fuzzy, pink pencils, gum, food items, trinkets, sparkly pens or cool-looking lip gloss. Until now...

Today as I was gathering laundry to wash from Iraq's room...
well...
today, stashed away in the back of a seldom-used drawer I found a cute little purse.

It's a really nice little Victoria's Secret brand makeup bag with a pretty gold chain, a fancy key ring and a cheap (but cute) rubber bracelet.

It was heavy, so I opened it up, only to find that Victoria did indeed have a secret!

Uhhh... that's an iPhone!

For those of you who may not have every purchased an iPhone in the past, they generally run, oh...
about $200 US currency!

It was at this point I screamed unto the Lord...





Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!  Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

 Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!  Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!




...well - you get the idea.

And then I put on the kind of clothing that I could be seen in public in (as opposed to the kind of clothing that I do laundry and work out in), and iPhone and purse in hand, grabbed my car keys and headed to Iraq's school.

Just last week one of Iraq's 2 at-school therapists was telling me she thought the stealing issue was improving. I didn't take that to mean the value of the contraband was going up!

We had an impromptu conference with the principal (who totally rocks), and both therapists. We discussed what ways we will use on our continuing quest to dredge the kleptomania from Iraq. At the end of our little meeting, I thanked the principal profusely for allowing my children to continue attending the school. (She laughed because she apparently thought I was joking.  I wasn't.)

So... *sigh*

It's all in a day's work for this SUPERSTAR mom.

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Got Bills So I Wrote Up This Ad For My Car - Enjoy!

Is your family too big for a sedan, but you don’t want your friends to see you driving a minivan? We have your vehicle!  No – don’t call the police… I mean we have your NEXT vehicle.

We know how crazy your life is, so we’re listing this vehicle UNDER Kelly Blue Book Value! (We’re cool like that.)

Think of this – now you can get decent gas mileage, not get stuck in the mud, fit all your whining kids in the car AND look semi-cool while you drive around town telling all your kids to shut-up and quit poking or looking at each other or you’ll make them walk home! (We all know you’re not really going to make them walk home, but we’ve all said it, right?) Might even help if you tell them *exactly* how freakin’ cold it is out there – and you’ll know just by looking at the built-in outside temperature gage. If you want to give ‘em a taste of what “cold” feels like, you can put the dual electronic automatic temperature control to use and cool them off while you stay toasty warm up front. Of course you could always duct-tape them to the roof-top rack… but I’ve found that law enforcement officials tend to frown on that.

Now then, if you’re a real glutton for punishment, you can pack up all those kids, hook up your pop-up camper (provided you have a pop-up camper) and take ‘em all camping for the weekend – ‘cause this baby comes with a towing package!

You may even be able to drown out some of the whining by turning up the volume of the AM/FM, six-disc, in-dash CD player… and it’s easy because there are volume, radio and CD controls right on the steering wheel (which is great if your significant other has bad taste in music).

Another great advantage to this vehicle is that when you get so stressed out that you can’t remember for the life of you where you were supposed to be at 7:30 p.m. on Wednesday, the car will remember to turn on its own lights! No – it’s not possessed or anything… it just has one of them new-fangled sensor things.

So for those of you who want it, here’s the run-down of this vehicle’s features:

Color - Blue/Silver – Great condition

Only 61,000 Miles

Automatic Transmission (because who has time to shift?)

All-wheel-drive system

Leather Seats (apple juice-resistant)

Towing Package

Power Driver’s Seat (Because the driver should have the power – right?)

Quad Seating:  Front and 2^nd Row Captain’s Chairs & 3^rd Row 60/40 Split-fold Seating / Fold-Away Seats

Seven-passenger capability

Side-impact airbags

Cruise control

Anti-lock brakes (ABS)

Air Conditioning

AM/FM with an MP3-capable, six-disc, in-dash CD player

In-dash outside-temperature display

Steering wheel-mounted radio/CD controls

Automatic (but not possessed) headlamps  

Fog lamps

Dual electronic automatic temperature control

Duratec 30 3.0-liter, V-6 engine

Rear Defroster

Power Mirrors

Power Windows

Alloy Wheels

Comes with 2 sets of Keys & Remote Locking/Unlocking Devices

More Info: http://www.myfordfreestyle.com/specs/2007-ford-freestyle-overview.php

Call now and spend one less day squashing your growing children into one bench seat! Johnny really did do it first, you know.

 

 OK - so I realize most people aren't in the market for a car right now. If not, buy Disaster Flambe for your Kindle or The Littlest Sister for your kids! (Yup - shameless plug there!) Click on either image to go straight to my Amazon pages!

 Keep smiling! It makes people wonder what you've been up to!

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In Which The Skink Went to the Hospital, Pawpaw Went to Heaven and the Family Went on a Journey

And what a couple of weeks it's been! So you know how I posted before that The Skink's lungs weren't clear at her last check up? About a week later she spiked a fever of 104. This after laughing, playing and apparently feeling fine for most of the day. There might have been little signs that we missed - it can be hard to see them because the kid is always so up-beat and happy.

So - back to the ER we went where the x-ray showed cloudiness in both sides of the lungs. She was admitted and went back to see some of the good friends we made during our last visit in November. Any more of these little episodes  and we'll come back to find reserved parking and a room with The Skink's name over the door.

This time The Skink stayed from Sunday, January 29th through Thursday, February 2nd. Just long enough for her to get her degree as a respiratory therapist.

To welcome her home, I created a portrait of her best friend, Cow. Moo.

It's a good thing I got the practice with my art tablet, because on Friday morning we got word that my father-in-law had passed away. You know - not like we had enough stress to deal with or anything.

I completed this portrait of my sweet father-in-law prior to our Tuesday a.m. departure for the funeral services in Chesapeake, VA.

Of course The Skink had been released from the hospital on oxygen, and must have 4 breathing treatments each day. We got a larger (new-to-us) car - a '95 Suburban, and got creative...

Right up until our creativity melted an adapter and almost started a fire. So instead of finishing her breathing treatment, The Skink made do with an iPod and Cheerios.

The Visitation was held on Tuesday evening and the moon was kind enough to dress up for the occasion. I thought it looked lovely!

Iraq and cousin... we'll call her "Dora" because she bears an uncanny resemblance to a certain cartoon character... said "goodbye" to their PawPaw.

My little part of the family arrived early as Iraq generally needs more time to adjust to new situations and surroundings than most. She sobbed uncontrollably for the first hour and spent the second hour tucking notes and artwork into her grandfather's jacket, rearranging his hair and moving his arms around.

Personally I'm a bit uncomfortable with the whole corpse-thing. To me it's kind of like a giant cicada shell... just something left behind when the important part has moved on. I didn't get too close. Just close enough to see that someone had put about 3 oz. of makeup on the body, including cotton-candy-pink lipstick. No - decorated cicada shells are not my thing.

I didn't bring my camera to the Wednesday funeral, but afterward we went to a family-member's house to enjoy the company of tons of wonderful extended family members. Didn't The Skink look cute in her fancy dress?

On Wednesday evening we spent time with my husband's mother's side of the family. We went to the Cracker Barrel... it was the perfect place to enjoy some real family  bonding!

The girls got checkers lessons from their late grandmother's step-brother...

And everybody gathered around to witness the duel.

We were very pleased to discover that Cracker Barrel has a "Low Carb" menu! When my steak arrived, The Skink very kindly offered to cut it up for me.

Thursday morning we went back out to the cemetery for one last visit before our 5-hour drive back home.

This is "Dora's" little sister, "Boots." Isn't she the cutest little thing?

So that is my very abbreviated account of the past couple of weeks. Perhaps I'll fill in some of the details of traveling with an oxygen machine, juggling breathing treatments and how both the hubby and myself were able to stay on our diets throughout the stress and insanity...

...but then, perhaps I won't because I will have fallen asleep, and goodness knows more interesting things will happen tomorrow that I will need to write about.

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My Diet Success Story - The Dukan Diet!

Once upon a time, a long, long, loooooooooong time ago, I was not fat.

And then LIFE happened. It happens to the best of us.

Which is so much better than death happening when you're in your early 40's with 3 kids - 2 of whom have special needs!

Truth be told, death came after me just last May. My big, bad wolf came after in the form of a cardiac arrest, and just to add a tang of irony, he showed up during Mother's Day dinner.

Luckily, I didn't die. More than anything, I wanted to... no... NEEDED to live!

To my credit, I had tried a number of other diets in the past. I was careful and I didn't cheat, but as much as I would huff and puff at the local gym, all too often I ended up hitting a wall - a plateau - and I just couldn't get my weight down.

It's hard when you're a mom. It's hard when there are lots of stresses in your life (see: having 2 special needs children - LOL). It's hard when you spend 2 entire pregnancies in bed and it's hard when your husband brings home Krispy Kreme doughnuts on a regular basis when you're starving! And it's so ridiculously easy to gain weight! (I've always joked that I can look at a picture of a cake and gain 10 lbs!)

While I am quite notorious for annoying the heck out of family and friends by taking hundreds of pictures, I avoided getting on the "business end" of the camera like the plague. I was not comfortable with my weight or my looks. I wouldn't wear a bathing suit in front of anyone who was not immediate family... and only wore one if I absolutely had to. Of course now 20/20 hindsight would suggest that having a few decent "Before" shots might have been nice, but going through the motions of planning out such a shot somehow felt like a set-up for letting myself down once again. Luckily for me, my son snapped a few lovely pictures of my on my sister's horse last August.

Then in late September, 2011, one of my friends shared a picture of herself on a social networking site. It was a good picture. It was a picture that made me want to scratch out her eyeballs and then crawl under a rock (like I could have found one *big* enough to hide my fat butt)! Instead of scratching her eyeballs out, I asked her what she had been doing. She told me she had been on the Dukan diet and had gotten down to her goal weight.

I'll have what she's having!

I started on the Dukan Diet on October 3, 2011. Over the next few months I did my best to get regular exercise by walking for 30 minutes a day, but LIFE kept popping up and throwing hurdles in my way. Stress hurdles. Hurdles that could have easily turned into another 10 lbs of fat on my butt if I had been on any other diet.

Instead, I stayed on the Dukan diet and ate lean turkey and ham, and sugar-free jello and Dukan cheese cake when ever I felt the urge to eat. I was not starving all the time. And even though my youngest daughter was in the hospital for 9 days with a severe case of viral pneumonia... and even though that daughter came home with enough medical equipment to fill most of her room... and even though that daughter needed round-the-clock care for a few more weeks...

I lost weight!

Around the holidays my weight loss slowed a bit, but I was already more than 20 lbs down and I felt better each day. I pumped up my workouts - not because I had to, but because I wanted to! (How weird is that?) I was *in* to working out and I was seeing a person in the mirror that I hadn't seen in far too long.

I'm now down nearly 40 lbs, and I'm still losing! I'm not missing other foods and I'm not starving all the time. I even asked for someone to take my picture so I could share so much less of myself. So I could share my own little fairy tale!

Before - Size 16 pants!                                                                  After - Size 4 jeans!

Updated Photos: (04/20/2012)

Am I keeping the weight off? You be the judge:

That's my story (and my diet), and I'm sticking to it!

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Helpful links for Dukanistas:


My Dukan Diet - Diet tips and recipes
Dukan Diet US - FaceBook
DukanItOut - recipes and tips
The Dukan Diet - Book
Shiritaki Noodles - Dukan-friendly, low-carb noodle replacement (also comes in rice and other varieties)
Tone your abs, thighs and fanny with the Windsor Pilates 3 DVD set!

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My Kids Are More Prettier Than Yours and I Can Prove It!

There is just so much wrong with that title on so many levels, but it caught your eye, didn't it?

Have you ever watched that reality show, Toddlers & Tiaras? Does it make your stomach turn?

As I sit in quiet judgement of the edited commentary of a group of people I have never met, I find I am secretly jealous. It's not that I want to start spending $30,000 a year on pageant dresses, hair pieces, fake nails, entry fees and travel expenses. No... it's not that at all. It's that somehow these people, in all their *perceived* weirdness, have a little piece of normal that I don't really have.

Sure, their children are "pretty." After all, what child isn't pretty in his or her own way? Some of those kids (OK - possibly most of those kids) are spoiled to a degree of disproportionate disaster that they may never fully recover. Some of the parents come across as barely a step above Mommy Dearest... but they still live in a world where my children would not fully fit in. It's a world of airbrushed, technicolor (perceived) "perfection."

Sure - I could enter my youngest in such a pageant, but you know what? If she won anything, I would secretly wonder if she won based upon some kind of "pitty-points." How would my child fit in to a world where looking "perfect" is everything?

Truly, honestly, with all my heart, my child looks PERFECT to me! I look at the faces of other children with an extra chromosome... or for that matter any kind of difference, and I see a beauty I couldn't fully perceive or appreciate prior to the birth of my youngest.

You know what I want? I want my kid... I want every kid to have a chance to feel "Perfect" just the way they were created! I want them to have an opportunity to win a "title" and maybe even a trophy to show just how much they rock what they have. I want bald kids, kids who have survived burns and every other unique or not-so-unique kid in this big, beautiful world to have that chance to revel in their own awesomeness!

And I want to help save lives.

That's kind of a big order, isn't it?

I may be trying to move some mountains, but at least I can say I'm "trying," right?

So this is what I have done. I have set up my own Pageant, and anyone, yes ANYONE, can enter. And those entry fees? Well... they all go to a fund with a registered charity called Reece's Rainbow to help pay for the adoption of a child with different-abilities. In other countries, such children are often abandoned and put into archaic institutions where they never know what it is to be loved. They are given NO education and many die very young for lack of medical attention, food and love.

So... the pageant is for a GREAT cause, and on top of that, every child can have a trophy and tiara (or crown) sent to them for winning! Winning at being just who they are. (Yes - it costs a little extra for the trophy, etc. because this is a purely charitable event.)

Please consider entering your child. Please consider spreading the word!
Click the link below to learn more!

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    The Something Extra Beauty Pageant!

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This world is already a beautiful place - so lets celebrate it for what it is!

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