Dear
Mrs. X et al,
What
can one frazzled mom say aside from, “Yeah – she did it again?”
As
far as we know, she got both the lotion and the ear buds from different
students on the bus. She claims she can’t remember where she got the change,
leaving us to wonder if she might have taken it from one of the “Men In Black”
considering her apparent loss of recollection. (Or perhaps aliens took the
change and planted it in our daughter’s sock drawer… we may never know!)
Although
it has occurred to us that she may have been a packrat in her last life and
simply suffers from flash-backs to her former rodent state, Iraq’s
psychiatrist tells us that her kleptomania falls under the OCD behaviors… that
fall under her diagnosis of Asperger’s. Of course to us it all feels like
falling under a cement truck. The good news is that the American Psychiatric
Association is removing the “Asperger’s” diagnosis from the new revision of the
diagnostic manual, meaning our daughter will no longer have the condition.
(The bad news is
that this just makes her diagnosis “Autism.”)
At
any rate, we are currently returning afore-mentioned contraband to you. Feel
free to punish our daughter as you see fit… (Does the school have a dungeon?
She’s a little short for her age so perhaps “The Rack” would be a good choice –
and far less intrusive than thumb screws when it comes to writing assignments.)
If you decide to turn her in to the police, just tell them you found her as a
wandering street urchin… or a sea
urchin… whatever. It will keep them guessing for long enough to give us all a
few hours off.
Please
accept our deepest apologies for our daughter’s behavior. She has been doing
this since she was 2 years of age and has continued stealing regardless of
being subjected to every form of punishment suggested by at least 10 mental
health specialists as well as some disdained grocery store patrons (who
invariably started their suggestion with, “If that were my kid I would…!” ). To date, nobody has suggested The Rack or
thumb screws.
…I’ll
be checking eBay.
Thank
you for understanding… or for not understanding but continuing to provide a
quality education for our daughter.
Sincerely,
Iraq’s
Mother
Iraq's Mother
Hi! You mean, besides chickens, we have something else in common? I have an 11 yr. old Asperger's son. He also has a penchant for things "found". If it's unattended...well, clearly no one cares about it and therefore needs a home...in his pocket. Most of what he takes has no value. Mostly he takes other people's trash to turn into origami. He can create a fox head from a potato chip bag or a grocery store receipt. He's doing his part for recycling.
ReplyDeleteWe're also beginning to learn there may be little we can do to stop my nephews stealing (I commented on your last entry about Iraq).
ReplyDeleteI found something that seemed to at least drive his desire to steal from ME away. When he stole all of the money out of my rainy day jar that I was using for a trip, I took his piggy bank, took the estimated amount of money he took from me, and I also kept the piggy bank. I planned on giving it back, but I didn't tell him that. I also took it when he wasn't looking. So he went into his room and found that his piggy bank was gone. This I think struck SOME little bit of perspective into him.
He got home, found that his piggy bank was gone and freaked out. My dad explained to him that taking my money wasn't appreciated and since he took my money he was going to let me have his piggy bank. I wouldn't tell him where it was and I never let him know when I was going to give it back. Every day he'd come into my room and ask if he could have it back, I told him no. I kept it for about 2 weeks. I think that's fair for a piggy bank, he wasn't going to be using it any time soon, but the fact that he knew I had it and that he didn't know where it was probably drove him insane. I think I decided to do that just after I wrote that comment on your last article about Iraq's stealing.
He's back at it again unfortunately. He stopped stealing for awhile after I gave his piggy bank back. Months later he started focusing more on his siblings, and like you said, he seems to go through phases. He's going through another one again and he's started targeting me again. He stole some lottery tickets I got for my birthday and he a set of dice I use every week for Dungeons & Dragons (yeah, I'm a nerd haha). I was going to use the lottery tickets for a trip I am going on tomorrow and I need the dice tonight and it's just so frustrating because it truly makes you feel helpless. You're honestly at the mercy of this kid. And my nephew is a little sneak too and he's like a pack rat. He will find things you don't even think he'd find and he'll hide them in places you'd never think to look. And when it's something precious to you, or something valuable and something you need... what the heck do you do???
So here I am with his Nook that he got for Christmas. I am going to hide it somewhere and repeat the process from last time.
Good luck with your daughter though! My nephews school is well aware of his condition and his ways. They're thankfully rather patient with him, and his teacher makes sure to occasionally check his backpack because he fortunately steals from her more than anyone in the class.
Labels describe a person's behavior, which makes it easier for a person with a certain label or set of labels to associate with others with similar labels. You, Iraq and all other Aspergians will always have Asperger's regardless of the repletion of Asperger Syndrome as an official diagnosis. I had a dream where I was in a grocery store and angels were operating computer units and could find no definition as Asperger Syndrome. I assume that in Heaven, we will not label each other as we do on earth since it promotes prejudice and the consequences associated with it. I wish that APA kept the diagnosis.
ReplyDelete